My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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