he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
