I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
