took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
