no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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