I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
