whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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