He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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