woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
