I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
