So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
