Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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