Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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