I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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