i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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