fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
