So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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