Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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