Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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