In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
