Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
