I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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