I can tuck mytits in my pants
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
