Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
