I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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