Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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