Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
