you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
