I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
