Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
