Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
