Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
