Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
