Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
