I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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