non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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