I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
