i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
