Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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