dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
