there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
