I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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