So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
