addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
