cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
