Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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