you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
