Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
