I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
