i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
