I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fuck appropriateness.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
