I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
