I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
