FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
