i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
