There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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