tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
