Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
