We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
